WHY IS SEX IMPORTANT TO MAN?
Sex Is a Physical Need
One of the biggest differences between you and your husband is the fact that he experiences sex as a legitimate physical need. Just as your body tells you when you’re hungry, thirsty, or tired, your husband’s body tells him when he needs a sexual release. Your husband’s sexual desire is impacted by what’s around him but is determined by biological factors, specifically the presence of testosterone in his body.
Immediately after sexual release, men are physically satisfied. But as their sexual clock ticks on, sexual thoughts become more prevalent, and they are more easily aroused. The physical need for sexual release intensifies as sperm builds in the testicles. The body continues to produce and store sperm, although sperm production fluctuates based on levels of testosterone and the frequency of sexual release.
The best way for a woman to understand this dynamic is to relate it to another physiological need. If you’ve had a baby, you may relate to the experience of milk building up in your breasts a few days after giving birth. The buildup of breast milk becomes annoying (and even painful) until the milk is expressed. You may have even had the embarrassing experience of leaking breast milk when it was not expressed. A male’s semen buildup is sometimes released through nocturnal emissions if it is not otherwise relieved. Just as with breast milk, sperm production tends to “keep up with demand.” The more often a man has sex, the more semen his body is likely to produce.
As women, we don’t experience the physiological drive for sex in this same way. There is no buildup that demands release. Instead, hormonal fluctuations drive our sexuality. Female sexual hormones are largely determined by two factors: the female reproductive cycle (menstruation, ovulation, pregnancy, menopause, etc.) and a part of the brain called the hypothalamus.
A woman’s sexual desire is far more connected to emotions than her husband’s sex drive is. A man can experience sexual arousal apart from any emotional attachment. He can look at a naked woman and feel intense physical desire for her, while at the same time he may be completely devoted to and in love with his wife. For most women, this just doesn’t compute. A fundamental difference in the wiring of male and female sexuality is that men can separate sex from a relationship while for a woman, the two are usually intertwined.
In conclusion, your husbands sex drive is designed by God to be a blessing to you. Your husband’s sexuality was designed for your pleasure and intimacy. Sexual drive in man is not meant to be for evil purpose but as Christian we are aware that satan turned the good intentions of God to evil in order to lure us away from Him.
Satan consistently twists into evil what God designed for good. By God’s good design, a man’s sex drive is strong. If it is harnessed and intensified within marriage, it can be an incredible force fastening a man’s affections and passions to his wife. I believe that it is right and godly to claim your husband’s sexual desire as a potent source of influence in your marriage. This power was intended for you and for no one else.
Look into the story of Samson, his sexual urge will not allow him leave a woman that betrayed him three times until he was persuaded to reveal the secret of his strength (Judges 16:4-20). Although this example is on the negative but you may be desperate to work on your marriage, you may long for your husband to read relationship books with you or attend marriage seminars (and actually take notes). If you really want his attention, work with the way God designed him. A great sex life won’t solve the problems in your marriage; however, it will fortify your husband’s desire and commitment to work toward intimacy. Your sexual relationship may be the “on-ramp” to communication, conflict resolution, and building the emotional intimacy you are longing for.
Please understand — I am not suggesting that you use sexuality to manipulate your husband! Withholding sex when you don’t get your way or lavishing him with it when you do is manipulation. I am suggesting that you embrace this fact: There are many forces in your husband’s environment that use sex to garner his attention. Imagine most of the adverts run on the media these days with the provocative images of women that quickly arouse a man sexually. They are stealing the power that God intended for you. Instead of sitting passively by, claim it.
The power of his sexuality was also designed for your influence in his life. Through his sexuality, you have a powerful place in your husband’s life that should belong to only you.
Fulfilling your husband sexually encompasses so much more than the physical act. It means inviting his sexuality into your marriage, embracing all that he is, hopes, and desires. It includes wanting to fully understand him and welcoming the sexual appetite that expresses his masculinity. It involves striving with him through weakness and temptation and covering his fears and failures.
This series is all about understanding your husband’s sexuality and why sex is so important to your marriage, from his perspective. Please understand, this information isn’t intended to add to your guilt. Instead, I pray that this series will challenge your heart. As you more fully understand the place of sex in your husband’s life, my hope is that you will catch a glimpse of the bigger picture of sex in your marriage. Guilt won’t last, but a change based on love will.
Practically everything a Christian wife hears or reads about sex revolves around the message “Your husband needs sex, so give it up.” After a hefty dose of guilt, she resolves to make sex more of a priority in her marriage. Her resolve lasts a while, but eventually she becomes resentful. She and her husband may be having sex more often, but it’s not getting any better.
Although feeling guilty can cause you to examine your heart and actions, it isn’t a good long-term motivator for change. Your sex life won’t significantly improve because you feel bad about not meeting your husband’s needs or because you’re afraid he will cheat on you otherwise. Feelings of guilt are simply an indication that something is wrong. If you don’t take the time to examine the underlying problem, you’ll continue in the cycle of reacting to your guilt temporarily, only to fall into the same pattern of resentment. Besides, your husband doesn’t want you to have sex with him because you feel guilty; he wants you to want to be with him!
I know for sure that your marriage from today will be sweeter and sweeter, there shall be no occasion for the devil to take an advantage of you again in Jesus name.
