I welcome you again to this wonderful, life-enriching, soul-edifying blog site. Have no doubt in my heart that your life have been moving forward as you get along with us.
In the last episode, I threw light on the possible enemies that are capable of breaking homes or marriages. I put them in two categories, the internal and the external enemies. I wrote extensively on four of the internal enemies which majorly are character problems or personal weaknesses that is not properly dealt with before going into marriage. In the part two of this teaching we shall be looking at the external enemies. There are 3 of these enemies which I will put together as “Third Party”
Matthew 19:5-6 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife:and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
From the scripture above, it is very clear that marriage is for two individuals, the man and his wife that have been joined together in a holy matrimony. God in His infinite wisdom knew that understanding and agreement is very easy between two people that are not being influenced by any form of external forces. The success of any marriage is based solely on the degree of the unity that exist between the husband and wife.
Marriage is designed to be a two-person relationship there is no space for a third party to receive an equal share in a marriage, because that can easily disrupt the safety of the relationship. With a third party present, the love and commitment gets damaged. It is clear that involvement of some persons or things could put marriage apart.
There are many things in the world that compete for our love, and sometimes these forces are so strong that they get between husband and wife. For you to have a blissful home, you will have to deal with the third party (not necessarily humans) so that your love for your mate and your family will not diminish.
Let us consider some of these third parties
Media and Technology
Are you shocked this is coming first! Please do not. I am sure your expectation is to mention in – laws as number one third party. You are right but media and technology are more closer to you than most humans. You will agree with me that technology is actually taking the place of human beings in most institutions and family or marriage is not exempted.Check out the facts below:
Media contends and steal time if not properly utilized i.e wasting lots of time on social media, having unnecessary chats on mobile phones etc. It invades our mind, your mind takes in different information from various sources on the internet and this can easily affect our person in a negative way. It impacts on your expectation of your spouse, i.e you know both positive and negative character of your spouse while you can only feel that the person you are chatting with on social media is nicer and better than your spouse, whereas you can only see their positive side.
It makes you prioritize social media relationship over the real life relationship. It evades attachment and connection, face to face contact, touch, genuine relatedness and depth of connection.
Mind bulging isn’t it? Yes it is. Christian homes are not spared as well. The bible says in Genesis 3:1 Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field…The subtlety of the media have swept many off the coast unaware.Be careful what lessons do you learn from the ‘imaginary friends’. Do not allow browsing take the tame of intimacy with your husband or wife. Be disciplined to say NO to the urge and run away from unnecessary addictions.
Intruding Parents and Friends
As a wife telling your parents or friends how you feel in your marriage or as the husband if you still confide in your colleagues in the office the affairs of your home or how unhappy you are without discussing with your spouse, is an invitation to intruders. This is totally wrong.
As a man you are not supposed to tell others things that you feel your wife should not know about, especially if it is a matter that affect your home. Also as a wife if your friends outside are the ones that tells you how to direct the affairs of your home, then you are treading a dangerous path. Do not betray the trust of your spouse or expose your home to an undue danger.
Many a times, as parents we are quick to even gossip our own children with outsiders and seek their opinions to rule the affairs of our family. God should be your number one confidant. Do not embarrass your family members and exposes them to outsiders.
Speak to God and talk to yourselves in love. The scriptures makes us to understand that gossip separates close friends Proverbs 16:28.Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is Christ Ephesians 4:15.Of course, we all need close friends in whom we can confide and who confide in us. But if that drives us away from our spouse, we certainly stepped over the line.
Mostly, third party aren’t bad in themselves, but they can be destructive for a relationship, when they come between a couple’s love. It is your duty to be active and protect your marriage. You have to recognize the dangers and put up well balanced boundaries, before these things come between you and your spouse.
How To Deal With Intruding Parents And Friends
Lean to say NO! It is your responsibility to honour your parent but there a times to be firm and say no if you notice that their involvement in the affairs of your home is getting out of boundary.
Whatever or whoever you are dealing with – you have to make clear that only one human being can have top priority in your life. And that is your spouse.Take to heart that it is not just a recommendation But It is a command from God. This is what the Bible says:
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder Matthew 19:6.
Whatever or whoever you are dealing with – you have to make clear that only one human being can have top priority in your life. And that is your spouse.Take to heart that it is not just a recommendation But It is a command from God. This is what the Bible says:
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder Matthew 19:6.
Career and Business.
Most married couples have allowed the time allotted to their career or business jeopardize the joy of their marriage. It is wrong to feel that money or achievement in you line of business can substitute to the time that you need to spend with your spouse.Ministers of the gospel are not spared IN FACT, we could be the most guilty thinking God will come and ‘fix’ the problem since you are working for Him. I read this story sometimes ago and it has been a great lesson for me:
Pastor. Evans spent almost every working moment in the office as an evangelical pastor. He took priority in the fact that his family problem is not affecting his work for God. Not Long a time, his wife had emotional breakdown and end up in psychiatric hospital. On a particular Sunday morning police called him that his son has been arrested for drug possessing. He saw himself not fit to lead a church and he resigned to go take care of his home before coming back to the pulpit. Who is to be blamed?
Do not allow whatever you are involved as a carrier take the love for your spouse. The moment that happens it has become a ‘third party’. How do you handle this? Learn to say No! And set boundaries in all areas of life. In as much as you are a diligent worker in your office, you must learn to say no to excessive demands at work if it is choking life out of your time schedule for your family. Take time out to relax and discuss issues with your wife or husband. Do not put the cart before the horse, apart from your God, your marriage / family first then other things.
What Brings In Third Parties?
Usually, Third p
arties do not come unexpectedly, they are a sign of some deeper issues in the marriage. They are the fruit, not the cause of the problem. Issues like: Abandonment, Seeking interest in other things at the detriment of your marriage, Following wrong friends, Lack of sense of responsibility, Loneliness, Lack of attention, Lack of appreciation, Lack of trust, sometimes Infidelity and In-appropriation of funds.
arties do not come unexpectedly, they are a sign of some deeper issues in the marriage. They are the fruit, not the cause of the problem. Issues like: Abandonment, Seeking interest in other things at the detriment of your marriage, Following wrong friends, Lack of sense of responsibility, Loneliness, Lack of attention, Lack of appreciation, Lack of trust, sometimes Infidelity and In-appropriation of funds.
Experiencing some form of these struggles in marriage is a quick way for a third party to come. When a marriage contains conflict or hurt, we tend to busy ourselves in other people and activities, because that is less painful than facing some seemingly unsolvable problem at home day after day. The problem does not go away, but activity anesthetizes the deficits and pain and seems to fill the vacuum within us.
Thus before we deal with the specific intruders, that is the symptoms, we have to bring the real issues, which invites third parties into our marriage, to light and deal with them first.
You marriage shall not break! I pray that the father of light will shatter all the dark areas of your home and lead you with wisdom that will keep the wine flowing all the days of your life in Jesus name.
You marriage shall not break! I pray that the father of light will shatter all the dark areas of your home and lead you with wisdom that will keep the wine flowing all the days of your life in Jesus name.
Be blessed forever
