It will always be a privilege for me to write on this blog and share with you some of the knowledge I have gleaned from the Holy Spirit, and those ahead of me in this race via their books and personal contacts. Also from my little experience on the field as a minister of the gospel, I have come to understand better that most of the challenges in marriage can be fixed by application of God’s given counsel and the readiness of the major players (husband and wife) to work at making their marriage heaven on earth. Because you are reading this piece, you are set for a glorious and wonderful time in your marriage and so shall it be in Jesus name.
At the beginning of the year, I started a topic that is rarely spoken about but a very important part of our union as husband and wife, MARRIAGE AND SEX. If we go back to the beginning of the beginnings the first 2 humans on earth were married and they were a perfect match for each other in all things. Eve must have fit in as a young farmers wife, someone to fix food and get to talk to but most importantly she fit in her sexual role. Her female charm was perfect to match Adam’s male features. She opened up a new realm of physical pleasure that Adam could not have known if he had spent the rest of his life alone. She was well matched to Adam in the sexual sense.
No wonder, our creator The God Almighty said in Genesis 2:18 It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Help here is translated from the Hebrew word ‘ezer’ which means someone that supplies something crucial but lacking according to Charles Swindoll book Marriage – From Surviving to Thriving.
because the couple has learned how to bridge the sexual communication gap. Communication gap! Yes, sexual relationship is another level of communication in marriage. It is a lifelong interaction.
Physically, we share our innermost thought and feelings with one another, we are physically tied to one another, we commune with each other. The Bible rightly put it this way in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so, is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.
A lot of frustration set in when we do not understand each other’s language over an issue this is called misunderstanding as it happens in verbal communication so also it could happen in a sexual relationship in marriage. There is bound to be sexual differences between husband and wife, instead of seeking help from where there is no help, learn how to truly commune with each other by adjusting to each other. Seeking for another partner is never the way out. God says:
Drink waters out of thine own cistern and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? Proverbs 5:15-20. Be patient in your sex dialogue it may take time to adjust to the language of your partner but I tell you as soon as you do you will enjoy marital bliss in full.
WHY IS SEX IMPORTANT TO MAN?
Sex is an Emotional Need
Shaunti Feldhahn’s best-selling book For Women Only underscores the fact that sex has a deep emotional impact on men. Feldhahn interviewed several hundred married men about different aspects of marriage. Not surprisingly, sex dominated their expressed needs and desires. Perhaps the unexpected twist to Feldhahn’s findings was the men’s feelings behind their sexuality. The vast majority of men indicated that being sexually fulfilled in marriage significantly impacted their confidence and their masculinity. Seventy-seven percent agreed with this statement: “If my wife was an interested and motivated sex partner, it would give me a greater sense of well-being and satisfaction with life. A man’s ability to perform sexually, to arouse and please his wife, is central to his confidence as a man. The impact ripples into practically every other area of his life.
I once had an experience while counseling a couple whereby the man felt rejected and emotionally frustrated because his wife never expresses her pleasure in his sexuality. It resulted into some other emotional breakdowns which led to other issues that almost break the marriage but glory be to God the home is intact now.
Think of the word impotent. Although we use it as a term to describe the inability of a man to achieve an erection, the broader meaning speaks volumes. Impotent literally means “unable to take effective action; helpless or powerless.” A man who feels like a failure sexually feels impotent — helpless and powerless — in all areas of his life.
As a wife, you cannot compartmentalize your husband’s sexuality. You cannot love him as a husband but reject him sexually. From his perspective, his sexuality is a central part of who he is as both a man and a husband.
Those devilish women out there that lure men into adultery and fornication are able to trap their prey by playing on their emotions. Read Solomon’s description of a woman trying to entice a man into adultery:
She threw her arms around him and kissed him, boldly took his arm and said, “I’ve got all the makings for a feast — today I made my offerings, my vows are all paid, so now I’ve come to find you, hoping to catch sight of your face — and here you are! I’ve spread fresh, clean sheets on my bed, colorful imported linens. My bed is aromatic with spices and exotic fragrances. Come, let’s make love all night, spend the night in ecstatic lovemaking! My husband’s not home; he’s away on business, and he won’t be back for a month. (Proverbs 7:13–20, The Message)
Notice that Solomon doesn’t mention anything about the physical attributes of the woman. She is attractive because she wants him. She is taking advantage not only of his physical desire but of his emotional need to be desired.
Note this, your physical attraction is very important but understand that your husband’s emotions are more interwoven to his sexuality.
to be continued…