I was privileged to listen to an interview granted by Oral Roberts and Evelyn his wife (both of blessed memory). They were interviewed by Benny Hinn when their marriage was 62years and 6 months old. It was a beautiful one and I could see the beauty of oneness in the marriage of this great couple. They spoke about their ministry and marriage, at a point he said he even felt like kissing her again. I got some of his books and in one of his books he wrote about seven things that made his marriage successful one of the points there is sex. He pointed it out that he and his wife see this aspect as the point that God referred to as the two shall be one flesh. Even at old age he said they still try to come together. There and then I got the missing link in many Christian marriages! Sex!
It is the life wire of your closeness. I tell you a lot of couples today are not companions, they are not close together there is no bond as it were. They are living together just to fulfill righteousness but the danger is, you cannot enjoy the best in marriage this way. Marriage is first for companionship Mal 2:14. You must be intimate friends!
MAN AND HIS SEXUAL NEEDS 1
There is a saying that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and many of us were made to believe this saying. Sometimes we go out of the way to even learn more about cooking. But there is more to a mans heart than food. Sex is very, very important to men. Research consistently shows that between 80 and 90 percent of men view sex as the most important aspect of their marriage. Most of the time when there is tension in the home and you ask the man what is needed to be change they wish that their wives would be more interested in sex and more willing to initiate physical intimacy. Long before the invention of media and all the things we consider as sexual temptations to man, history thought us that
sexuality was an extremely powerful force in men’s lives. Imagine in the Bible some men that fell under the urge of their sexual desires. David, Samson, Reuben, and even Judah was not exempted.
Regardless of how often your husband thinks or talks about sex, make no mistake, it is a vital aspect of who he is as a man. Although sex may not be as dominant a factor in your husband’s life, it doesn’t discount the fact that it’s important. In fact, many men who avoid or minimize the impact of sex in their lives do so because of past painful experiences or because of the fear of future failure.
This series is all about understanding your husband’s sexuality and why sex is so important to your marriage, from his perspective.
WHY IS SEX IMPORTANT TO MAN?
Sex Helps His relationship With You.
Research indicates that sexual satisfaction and marriage go hand in hand. From a normal point of view we are quick to conclude that when you have a good relationship then you are sexually satisfied. But from studies, this is a woman’s perspective.
Our assumption that a good relationship leads to good sex is making the leap from correlation to causation. It’s just as possible (especially from the male perspective) that great sex causes a satisfying marriage, not the other way around. In fact, some biological research supports this theory.
The brain chemistry has an input in the warm feelings of connectedness, trust, and bonding that we associate with good relationships. Oxytocin is often called the “cuddle hormone.” The presence of this hormone causes people to feel bonded to each other and experience relationships as emotionally gratifying and positive. Both men and women have oxytocin in their bodies. However, the presence of estrogen in a woman’s body makes the impact of oxytocin much more powerful. This partly explains why women are far more likely than men to seek emotional intimacy in their relationships.
In women, levels of oxytocin skyrocket during labor and breastfeeding, encouraging the maternal behaviors and bonding so powerfully experienced in new moms. The only time levels of oxytocin significantly increase in men is right after orgasm. Women’s oxytocin levels rises in women orgasm as well.
If you observe, your husband seems to treat you differently after sex. He’s more attentive after a brief nap, more affectionate, and more appreciative. This is not coincidental but He is biologically wired to bond with you after sex. He literally feels emotionally closer to you after orgasm.
The lack of regular sex is a significant barrier to emotional connectedness and intimacy for men. Likewise, sex is perhaps the most powerful force bonding a man emotionally and relationally to his wife.
Beyond just the act of having sex, sharing and embracing your husband’s sexuality is perhaps the most powerful way to build the intimacy you so desire in your marriage. How can you truly be connected with him if you ignore or minimize the one aspect of his life that dominates him physically, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally? Oral Robert of blessed memory said even at old age that he and his wife still have sex because that was significant to the two that has become one. I tell you I saw the beauty of oneness in their marriage even in death.
If you’re married, your husband depends on you to be his partner in his battle against sexual temptation. Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthian church: ( I am using this translation because it is simple to understand)
Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it… (1 Corinthians 7:1-6 MSG)
Wao! This s explosive! I went through some other translations and I love the way this translation puts it. So, your sexuality is a strong reason for
marriage.
Paul commanded husbands and wives to be sexually available to each other to avoid temptation. So, what happens to the man who marries because he wouldn’t want to burn only to find that his wife doesn’t help his sexual drive?
Dr. Archibald Hart writes, “Most men face a lifelong struggle to control their sexuality. The struggle is between their hormones and their higher aspirations. It is a battle between their seemingly uncontrollable urges and the fear of succumbing to these urges. Ultimately, it is a struggle over integrity, right and wrong, uprightness and wholeness.”
Dr Hart’s explained further why sex is a spiritual need for a married man. Your husband likely battles daily to stay pure. His walk with the Lord and his integrity are largely determined by how he handles sexual temptations and impulses. When he gives in to lust, pornography, or inappropriate sexual relationships, he carries a tremendous burden of guilt. He may doubt his salvation and feel disqualified from the body of Christ. Because he feels so ashamed about his struggle or failure, he may feel that he can’t share his burden with anyone else. So, be a help to meet this great battle over this temptation.
As new couple, you may not really have a challenge in this area. The first couple of weeks, months or years of your marriage will be honeymoon stage that most couples hope for. As time goes on, though, sexual desires changes. As a wife now a young mother, you could be busy and exhausted taking care of their young children, and lose interest in sex. You may seem content to put your sexual relationship on hold for the time being, but your husband may be as a deer panting for water, and you a camel who seemed capable of walking through the desert for months at a time without a water.
These differences in sexual drive could produce guilt as he intensifies the rift of intimacy. If care is not taken, he could take to rationalizing his actions, more than anything else, your husband longed to be pure, to share his sexuality only with you. Know that his life is too busy, his desire too strong, his will too weak, and the gulf between them too great. So your husband depends on you to be his partner in his battle against sexual temptation.
Although you aren’t responsible for his actions, but you are a key component in his victory. You’re the only woman in the world whom your husband can look at sexually without compromising his integrity!
Please understand: your husband’s sexual desire is inborn he is not a sinner. Be motivated out of love and a desire to share his spiritual journey with him and keep him sexually pure.
I decree that your marriage this year shall be sweeter and sweeter in Jesus name.
Shalom.
