If you want a marriage that flourishes, you need to know what marriage is, where it comes from, and what it is meant to be. You need to know what a man is, what a woman is, how they are the same, and how they are different. A great way to begin learning these things is by looking at the first man, the first woman, and the original marriage, described in Genesis-The Book of the Beginnings. The original marriage is described in Genesis chapter 2. That is where marriage begins.
There the Bible says that God formed the first man, Adam, from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and Adam became a living being. The Lord put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
But something was missing. The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God didn’t make the ideal helper that instant. First Adam had to sort through various animals and birds and give each a name. Each animal was excellent in its own way. “But for Adam, no suitable helper was found” among the animals. None imaged God as Adam did; none had a body and mind to match Adam’s; none could produce offspring with him to fill and rule the earth.
So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
When Adam saw the woman, he knew that this wasn’t just another animal for him to name. She was his own kind. She was just as human, just as much God’s image, as he was. He exclaimed in delight, “This now is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
“For this reason,” says Genesis, “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis adds, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Adam was magnificently masculine; Eve was fabulously feminine; both were happily human, and neither felt ashamed or inferior.
What Marriage Is (and Isn’t)
The Bible’s account of the original marriage in Genesis is God’s pattern for every marriage. Jesus himself made it clear that to know the truth about marriage, we must start with the Creator’s original design. So let’s spell out some things that marriage is (and isn’t), in light of God’s original design.
First, God designed marriage as a sexual union, not just as a friendship or partnership. At times it’s been suggested that sex was the forbidden fruit in paradise. But Genesis says otherwise. The one-flesh union of the original marriage was beautiful and wholesome. Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. God blessed them with a mandate to multiply and have babies. The Bible says a wife’s body belongs to her husband and a husband’s body belongs to his wife, and Scripture commands them to give their bodies to each other regularly and satisfy each other’s desires (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). An entire book of the Bible, the Song of Songs, celebrates the love between man and woman and their delight in each other’s bodies. Sexual union has been vital to marriage ever since the original marriage.
Second, God designed marriage as a union between humans, not the union of a human with an animal. Sexual contact between humans and animals perverts God’s design and is cursed in Scripture (Leviticus 18:23, Deuteronomy 27:21). Genesis says that no animal was suitable as a spouse for Adam. He needed someone who shared his humanity.
Third, God designed marriage as the union of a man with a woman, not the union of a man with a man or a woman with a woman. Homosexual activity perverts God’s design; the Bible calls it “an abomination” (Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27). The original marriage was not a same-sex union. Jesus said, “At the beginning, the Creator ‘made them male and female'” (Matthew 19:4), and real marriage remains a union of male and female.
Fourth, God designed marriage as the union of one man and one woman, not union with many partners. Polygamy, having more than one wife, perverts God’s design. A few notable men in the Old Testament had multiple wives, but it led to no good. The Lord put up with it for a time, but he never endorsed it. God brought one woman to Adam, not two or four or seven or twenty. This rules out polygamy in marriage. It also rules out promiscuity outside of marriage. The “one flesh” reality of the original marriage means that any temporary live-in relationship, any one-night stand, or even involvement with a prostitute, involves becoming “one with her in the body” (1 Corinthians 6;16). It’s not just a fun activity between people who can then go their own way. God designed sex for one man and one woman to become one in the body and one in spirit through marriage (Malachi 2:15). Jesus, echoing Genesis, did not say that many become one flesh but that “the two will become one flesh.”
Fifth, God designed marriage as the lifelong union of a man and a woman, not as a disposable relationship. Divorce perverts God’s pattern of permanence. The Old Testament law of Moses included some regulations for divorce proceedings, but did this mean God approved of divorce? No, the Lord said, “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16). Moses never approved or encouraged divorce. He only permitted it because people’s hearts were hard. “But it was not this way from the beginning,” insisted Jesus, pointing to the original marriage. “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” When a man is united to his wife, said Jesus, “they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (see Matthew 19:4-9).
In keeping with Jesus’ teaching and the original marriage, the New Testament declares, “A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). It is wrong to use divorce as a way of trading in one spouse for another. If you and your spouse can’t get along and feel you have to separate, God forbids you from simply writing off your spouse and then to look for someone you will like better. Either live with no partner at all or else find a way to overcome the differences between you and your spouse and be reunited.
If your spouse abandons you or abuses you or becomes sexually involved with another person, they have broken the marriage covenant, and you are permitted to divorce and to remarry. But divorce is always tragic, the last resort. The Creator of the original marriage does not permit you to abandon your marriage anytime you like. “What God has joined together, let man not separate.”
These facts about what marriage is (and isn’t) are evident in Genesis and throughout the rest of the Bible. God’s pattern cannot be reinvented without serious consequences. If you go against God’s pattern, you’re not just being immoral. You are fighting reality, and you cannot win. You cannot violate God’s pattern and flourish. God designed marriage as the lifelong sexual union of one man and one woman.
watch out for part two