CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE

Did God have any special reason for creating male and female this way? According to the Bible, God’s ultimate reason for this, and for every aspect of creation, is to reveal something of Christ his Son. The Bible says, “All things were created by him and for him” (Colossians 1:16). This is especially true of the Lord’s design for man and woman: it’s meant to image the position of Christ within the being of God, and it’s also meant to image the relationship of Jesus and his church.

How can human marriage image Christ’s position in the Godhead? God is a Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and the marriage of humans made in God’s image can show something of the relationship between God the Father and Christ the Son. God the Father and Christ are equal and forever united, yet the Father initiates and Christ responds. Marriage is designed to image this relationship. The Bible says, “The head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). A healthy marriage images the headship within the very being of God. As God the Father and Christ are united and equal, with the Father leading and Christ responding, so husband and wife are meant to be united and equal, with the husband leading and the wife responding.

Two common distortions of the biblical design for marriage are chauvinism and feminism. When a chauvinist man treats his wife as though she is a lesser being and not one with him, he images the false doctrine that Christ is inferior to the Father and not united with him as one God. When a feminist man does not lead at all and his feminist wife is not responsive to him as her head, they image the false doctrine that there is no distinction between the Father and Christ, that the two are interchangeable, and that the Father is not the head of Christ. But when a biblical husband and wife see themselves as equal and one with each other, with the husband gently leading and the wife joyfully responding, they image the truth about the Father and Christ in the holy Trinity. Their loving union offers a glimpse into the being of the God who created male and female in his own image.

Biblical marriage centers on Christ in another way as well: it images the relationship between Jesus and his church. The Bible says, “The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior” (Ephesians 5:23). From the beginning, God designed marriage to picture the relationship that would someday come about between Christ and his church.

The Bible doesn’t say the husband ought to be the head of the wife; it simply says he is. The man, being the head, will set the tone in the marriage and home, whether he wants to or not. It may be a good tone and a healthy home if he leads well, or it may be a bad tone and a weak home if he leads badly or not at all. In any case, the man sets the tone. Even if a man abandons his home, he still dominates the home by the very fact of his absence.

The man’s headship is a fact, designed to picture Christ’s headship. So every husband will send a message about Christ, whether he wants to or not. Douglas Wilson writes,

“Every marriage, everywhere in the world, is a picture of Christ and the church. Because of sin and rebellion, many of these pictures are slanderous lies concerning Christ. But a husband can never stop talking about Christ and the church. If he is obedient to God, he is preaching the truth; if he does not love his wife, he is speaking apostasy and lies–but he is always talking. If he deserts his wife, he is saying that this is the way Christ deserts his bride–a lie. If he is harsh with his wife and strikes her, he is saying that Christ is harsh with the church–another lie.

He represents the headship of Christ over the church, so if he does not lovingly provide for his wife and family, “he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). He not only harms his wife, but he defames the Lord Jesus Christ, whose headship the husband is supposed to represent.

How should a husband act as head of his wife in order to show the truth about Christ, the head of the church? The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body” (Ephesians 5:25-30). A Christ-like husband loves his wife, sacrifices for her, provides for her, leads her, builds her up, prizes her, and enjoys being one with her. He models his marriage on Christ’s marriage to the church.

Wives, in turn, are to image the church’s response to Christ. The Bible says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24). A wife’s conduct toward her husband always says something about the church’s response to Christ, either right or wrong. If a woman does not honor her husband and is not loving toward him, if she is independent and defiant toward him, she proclaims this as the church’s response to Christ and thus attacks God’s Word. A wife’s behavior toward her husband either makes the Word of God more attractive or else makes it an object of contempt. Wives ought “to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:4-5).

Now, a woman’s submission to her husband’s headship does not mean she must submit to the headship of all men. In fact, as a godly woman flourishes in her marriage to a godly man, she will be strong, active, and fearless in her relationship to others, because she draws on her husband’s strength. A woman does not become stronger and happier by having a nice, harmless husband who is weak and uninformed compared to her and whom she doesn’t respect. A nice wimp is better than a nasty bully, but best of all is a man who boldly and biblically seeks to represent Christ to his wife. The stronger he is in Christ, the stronger she becomes. And the stronger she becomes, the more she helps him and makes him stronger still.